Failure WAS an option.

I still see the little muffin top. Ugh!

When I started my journey 17 months ago there was doubt. I never let on there was doubt, but there was! I looked at this 100 lbs to lose and said "I can do it!" all while in my head saying, "Are you crazy! That's 100 lbs?" I wish I would have taken more pictures. Documenting this journey seemed as if it would doom me to failure. What if I took the pictures and I didn't like what I saw?

Duh! Of course I didn't like what I saw. I was 100 lbs overweight. On the outside I pretended that it didn't bother me. I pretended I was fine being a "big" girl. In fact, I NEVER saw myself that way, so I just convinced myself I was happy. The excuses I used were, I'm going to get pregnant again anyway, so why lose the weight. Muscle weighs more than fat (too bad I hadn't worked out in 8 years). Food is just so good! I don't have willpower. Working out takes too much time. I'm too busy. I just smiled and showed everyone I loved myself and I was HAPPY! Unfortunately, I was not happy. I had a wonderful husband, 2 beautiful boys, and a fulfilling job. On the surface my life seemed pretty great. I was not great.

The background doesn't feel real- but it is!

Every day I witness people who are not great, but they plaster a smile on their face anyway. I KNOW you're not happy. I've been there, I've faked it too. It hurts my heart when people think they cannot make a lifestyle change. I am no different than anyone else. I PROMISE you! I love to eat. I love to watch TV. I am exhausted every morning too. All of these factors are exactly the reason I needed a change. With executing one small change at a time, I found they compounded into what has become my new lifestyle.

As a reminder, here are the changes I made:

1. No more FAST FOOD. - Other than Burgerville in Oregon, I have not had fast food since 7/13/12. This includes McDonalds, Burger King, Taco Bell, and Wendys. NADA! It's been so long now I can only imagine how awful I'd feel.

2. Do not eat PAST 8 pm.   I RARELY eat past 8 pm. If I do, it's 1 point weight watcher candy. If I ever feel starving, which happened to me at 3 am the other morning, I ate a hard boiled egg, grapes, and carrots. You'll be amazed how much of an impact this will have on your diet! If you have to eat, make it fruits/veggies. Something that will power your system and burn easily. NO CARBS!!

3. Work out 3 x per week.   Since April 2013, I have consistenly averaged at LEAST 3 times per week. Most of the time I shoot for 5 times per week. My schedule is ALL done at home. Zumba/Dancing on Tue/Thu/Sat and Eliptical 1 time per week.

4. Eat Fish/Seafood 2 x per week  Ok, I am NOT good at this at all. I have tried to incorporate 1 meatless meal per week. This is a reminder to me I still have changes to make.

This is a REAL smile!

It may be time for me to initiate some new policies and procedures in my life. I'm not great just yet, but I have more TRUE, REAL great days than I ever did before. So with my beautiful boys in tow, and my husband by my side, I continue my journey. I'm not done yet.

I'm 157 lbs, size 8 dress/pants, size Small sweaters- I am looking good, not I just need my interiors to match. Also I've included some pictures of my family! My photographer and friend, Alia is incredible!
Her website is here: http://www.aliamorganphotography.com/

Things happen sometimes.

First off, let me share I had a bad weekend last weekend. Now I don't need to go into it because this isn't that kind of a blog. However, let me tell you, my life changed pretty quick and I was sad and upset. There's nothing that can prepare you for when a massive change occurs in your life. Things happen sometimes. Life is messy. It's how you handle that "thing" which truly shows what kind of person you are. Or in my case, what kind of person I have become.

My journey has been a long, difficult one. I never thought losing weight could be so hard, but yet so rewarding. It doesn't mean I don't miss my days of being able to eat whatever I wanted (then feel guilty about it, and then eat more). In fact, I do get tired of being so attentive to my food consuming.  Looking in the mirror isn't painful. Trying on clothing doesn't make me want to cry. I am just so much happier with myself. Overall, I am doing really well. Until this weekend.

Episode occurs and I am devastated. Life had definitely thrown me a curve ball. That being said, my kids are perfectly safe and healthy. After this curve ball, there was a part of me that almost went into a downward spiral of eating. I thought about going to the local diner and getting a cheeseburger and fries. Oh, and probably a shake. Oh, and they have brownies and other treats there too, so maybe one or two of those. I deserve it, I've worked hard, right? OK, so yes, I do deserve an occasional treat. But, this wasn't going to be just one little splurge. It would have been a big one. AND hard to recover from.

It took taking a step back and looking at myself inwardly. All the little changes I've made have accumulated into a whole new lifestyle. One year ago I would have eaten all that food and then some. My feelings were always a big contributor to my over eating. My emotions would also keep me hiding out in my room under the covers, too tired to make a change.

This time, I took the issue in stride. I ate my lunch and I even worked out after it. I didn't undo 14 months of hard work just because I felt sad or upset. It was almost empowering. How things have changed....