Monday, September 10, 2012

How it all happened....

My dad has always told me when I start to feel overwhelmed or stressed out, he would say ask, "Michelle, How do you eat an elephant?" and I would answer, "one bite at a time. " Now I'm not sure where this came from, but I can tell you it's been a small piece, rather large piece of advice that I've followed throughout my life. So no matter how HUGE something seems to be or what a gigantic undertaking it would seem, as long as you just start with one bite at a time, you can and will eat the entire thing.

My elephant!
Recently, with having a second child I've found myself more overwhelmed, overworked and more tired than I've ever been in my entire life. I guess in my infinite wisdom, I was intelligent enough to decide, "Hey I'm going to drop 100 lbs!" This weight loss journey is needed. I've ignored my weight for quite some time now.  The best place for me to start this journey is to start from the beginning because to be honest, I don't even remember when this all started and when it actually even got so bad. If this is ever anything that will stick, I need to be honest with myself.

I was never heavy in high school. I was never small, mind you but I would not have considered myself overweight either, but I wasn't called "skinny". When I was finishing my senior year, I remember being at my smallest after returning from a trip to Europe and getting on the scale. I was 125 lbs. Interestingly enough, I remember looking at those pictures from my Europe trip when I was in a bikini thinking I was "fat". Wow, how was that even possible? I was freaking tiny!

After a freshman 25 packed on from lots of delicious pizza and beer, I had a fall internship to Disney where I dropped a little of the weight, but not enough to maintain the 125. I would say I was probably around 145-155 lbs at that point. This was 1998 and I moved back to Oregon with my family. After my sophomore year ended I moved to Atlanta, GA where I wasn't in school anymore. I worked a full 40 hour a week job. I moved out on my own and was making more than $40,000 a year. At 21 years old, with those kinds of funds, my friends and I drank and we ATE. We ate some incredible meals and some amazing places. I was 175-180 lbs before I knew it. I tried Jenny Craig. I remember signing up for a lifetime membership. The women there looked at me in disgust. Like I needed to lose weight. I was small in comparison to them. I got back down to around 155 or so and was happy with myself. There was a lot of yo yo dieting over the next couple years and it continued when I moved to Wisconsin in 2003. All of a sudden I lived in a state where you could wear jeans and sweaters 2/3 of the year. You covered up. I could gain weight! Woohoo! Not so good for me. I remember dating a guy. We were sitting on his bed and he grabbed my calf and he goes, "haha, calf and a half!". I was like, WTF? We broke up shortly there after. Like the next day....

My wedding!
Nope-not pregnant here.....
In 2006, 2007 I finally got down to around 170 lbs again. It didn't last long. But I did manage to maintain that 170 ish until I met my husband, Jason. When we were married in 2008, I was 179 lbs. Then all hell broke loose. As of our honeymoon, I took full advantage of the fact that I didn't have to worry about fitting into a wedding dress anymore. I didn't have to get all pretty to go out anymore. He loved me and we were happy. So, I just let the lbs. pile on. I ordered a size 14 dress for my best friend's wedding which was March 2009, just 6 short months after my own wedding. It was so tight, I could barely squeeze into it. I was easily tipping the scales around 215. In 6 months!?! How had I let that happen? Well at this point, we were trying to get pregnant, so there was no point to lose weight, right??? Well when I returned home from the wedding, sure enough, I was pregnant. So, that's why the dress didn't fit, right? Yeah, sure. That must have been it....

My baby boy! (#1)
In December 2009, I was 270 lbs. I was pre-eclamptic and my son was born 3 weeks early. He was in the NICU for 6 days. Was it because of my weight? They won't ever know for sure, I can't blame myself. But I did not eat very healthfully during my 9 months. We had a lot of fast food and a lot of dinners out. Needless to say, he was beautiful and perfect! The next 2 years were pretty much the same. I tried to lose weight. Every time unsuccessfully. I would lose 10-15 lbs and put it right back on. There was really nothing holding me accountable and I had a new little guy, so I always had excuses. My weight was fluctuating between 235-250. Gross. I can't tell you how many times I lied. How many times I tried to deny the fact that I was even over 200 lbs. It was awful.

Size 20 dress. But trying for #2....
In August 2011, close friends got married. I had insisted I would lose weight to look good in my bridesmaid dress. I wore a size 20 dress. I felt awful. I wore a girdle. I was uncomfortable. I shied away from all the pictures. It was just horrible. My excuse was we were trying to get pregnant again so why lose the weight? Again, just making more excuses.... Well in September 2011, I found out I was pregnant again. I was thrilled. I was 250 lbs at my first visit. My doctor told me I should not gain ANY weight at all. How do you have a 10 month pregnancy and not gain ANY weight? Well, I needed to figure it out. I did my best and though I did not deliver at 250 lbs, I was 245 lbs at my 8 week check up. My maximum weight was around 267 lbs. It was a much better pregnancy for me and though I experienced hypertension, I did not have any signs of pre-eclampsia.

I tried pretty much everything, personal trainers, diet pills, Adipax (phentermine), working out, everything. I just yo yo. I could have size 12, 14, 16, and now even 18 in my closet at any given time. Let me just tell you, I am tired of it. So, I've decided to make the change. It's been 11 weeks. I began Weight Watchers on Friday, July 13th 2012. I've lost 18.6 lbs. In the comings posts, I am going to talk about the small things I am doing to "eat this elephant".

Because it's not just one big change, it's a whole bunch of little ones. Stay tuned.....


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