A day in my life

When I realized I needed to do something about my weight and I wrote how it all happened I would have ever guessed I'd be here 13 months later and still battling. Every day I work on integrating the little changes into my lifestyle which will help me be an overall healthy, happy mommy.

This weekend I will be competing in the Warrior Dash and my schedule is so hectic right now. The positive for competing in this event is that it has kept me busy. In looking at my day I cannot comprehend how I do this each and every day....Here's a look at my daily routine (when my husband is out of town).

4:45 am: Wake up
4:50-6:00 am: Work out at home (Zumba, Elliptical, Just Dance, etc.)
6:00 am: Shower, get dressed, do hair, and makeup
6:30 am: Myles walks into the room ( make sure he goes potty, get out his clothes, get him dressed, put on Disney)
6:45 am: Get Joel out of crib. Get dressed and take to kitchen. Turn on Disney give cereal and milk to boys.
6:50 am: Make lunch, put away dishes, do dishes from night before, etc.
7:05 am: OUT the door, any later and I am late for work!
7:40 am: Drop off boys at Daycare
8:00 am: Arrive to work
8-5 pm: Too much to account for during the day, but usually 3-4 meetings/appts. & lunch at my desk
5:00 pm: Leave work
5:30 pm: Pick up kiddos
6:05 pm: Arrive Home
6:10 pm: Cook Dinner! May take 20-30 minutes, can be prepped as fast as 4 minutes; last night I made ham/cheese tortilla roll ups, carrots & ranch, and 1/2 banana each! Voila- 4 min dinner :-)
6:45 pm: BATH Time. Usually I can bathe both boys at the same time, but lately we are having some new issues with pee pee discovery from Joel and Myles- Great! Just what I needed! Also, an argument ensues if I put Joel into the bath before Myles....
7:00 pm: Joel Bed Time- sing Three Little Birds
7:05 pm: Myles gets ONE TV show- Caillou or Special Agent Oso usually (I sometimes jump onto the elliptical here if I went out to lunch that day)
7:35 pm: 2 stories (Monster's University and Cory the Combine- ALWAYS those 2 stories) then about a million kisses.
8:00 pm: Laundry, cleaning, etc. Maybe some TV time.
9:30 pm: Go to Bed

Next day, wake up and do it all over again! Thankfully, my hubby isn't gone all the time. It's a rough week. It's been a tough month. With Wedding date looming and the dress hanging on my closet door I don't have time to be tired. I actually feel like I have MORE energy lately. Is that weird?

IT FITS!!

Again, 13 months ago this schedule would have been not only unlikely for me, but impossible! Making little changes and setting goals is helping me. It's still not easy, every day is a battle, but I am getting better. And happier, too :-) Oh and look what I put on this morning....totally WORTH IT!

Image Distortion- too skinny, too fat, or just right?

I remember when I was 17, my parents saved enough money to let me go to Europe for my Graduation gift. (Thanks, Dad and Mom!) There's a picture of me in my photo album from that trip, (YES, that was when we actually printed out pictures and created an entire book for an event) and I remember thinking when I looked at it, "Wow. I look fat." There I was in a bikini, at age 17 and I weighed 135 lbs. I Look fat??? Are you kidding me? Part of me wishes I would have known that I was then the thinnest I would be for the next 18 years....

However, it got me thinking. When I was gaining weight through my 20's, it never seemed as bad as it was. Every photo taken of me, I would notice the pooch of my stomach or the rolls over the side of my pants. I always thought "Ugh. I look fat." It didn't matter if I was 135 lbs or 275 lbs pregnant. I always looked big in my mind. So was it since I always looked fat, why didn't I realize how BIG I was truly getting? Did I have a distorted image of how I really looked?

I didn't put on 115 lbs over just a few years. It took 15 years for me to add that to my frame. WHY didn't I see it? Was it so gradual that I never noticed it? Cause let me tell you, I look back now at that photo of me when I was 17 and think, "DAMN! I look GOOOOOD." Why wasn't I happy then?

Even worse and I hate to admit this, but there have been instances I have been secretly happy when other people I knew gained weight. Other times I was extremely jealous of people who lost weight, wishing it were me. Isn't that AWFUL? People have told me as I continue to lose weight, other people will tell me. "You look too thin" or "You need to stop losing weight". Is that their jealousy? Is it their insecurities? Did I ever say that to someone? Surely, there's gotta be some part of me who can just be happy?

Thinking back, there's has never been a time in my life when I have been 100% happy with my weight. Isn't that sad? I've always wanted to look better or be thinner. I truly want to be happy with myself and there's a part of me that is fearful I may never be satisfied with my appearance. However, I am certainly on my way and trying. Right now, I look at pictures, like one of me taken last week at a work even and think, "I look better, but I am not there....yet". This whole process of losing weight is HARD, it's REALLY hard. It's frustrating and it's a daily battle to make the right choices. All my little changes are adding up and they're making me a different person. It just takes time.

It's already been 1 year. A year of life change and realizations. I'm happier now, but not completely satisfied. As my weight loss has slowed down, I have picked up my workouts. I've been doing 3 times per week the last month and this week I've added a Wed workout. Doing Just Dance - Greatest Hits. It's incredible! It's the workout of Zumba but to really fun songs! I was definitely jamming to "I've got the Power" by Snap. Very fun! I highly recommend.

Here's hoping you look in the mirror today and like what you see, but if you don't, do something about it. Don't blame others, don't get jealous, don't start a journey for anyone, but do it for YOU. Let's take these distorted images away, replace them with a smiling face, and get back to, "DAMN, I look GOOOOOD!"

Touching....

A friend of mine posted this to Facebook. It's from a blog and I don't know who wrote it, but I feel it's well written and amazing. Wanted to share:

Posted on May 11, 2013 by admin

The Invisible Mother

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I’m on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I’m thinking, ‘Can’t you see I’m on the phone?’

Obviously not; no one can see if I’m on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I’m invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? 

Some days I’m not a pair of hands; I’m not even a human being. I’m a clock to ask, ‘What time is it?’ I’m a satellite guide to answer, ‘What number is the Disney Channel?’ I’m a car to order, ‘Right around 5:30, please.’

Some days I’m a crystal ball; ‘Where’s my other sock? Where’s my phone?, What’s for dinner?’

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history, music and literature -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She’s going, she’s going, and she’s gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . She had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when she turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, ‘I brought you this.’ It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn’t exactly sure why she’d given it to me until I read her inscription: ‘With admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.’

In the days ahead I would read – no, devour – the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: 1) No one can say who built the great cathedrals – we have no record of their names. 2) These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3) They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4) The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. 

A story of legend in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, ‘Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No one will ever see it And the workman replied, ‘Because God sees.’ 

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was Almost as if I heard God whispering to me, ‘I see you. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does.
No act of kindness you’ve done, no sequin you’ve sewn on, no cupcake you’ve baked, no Cub Scout meeting, no last minute errand is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can’t see right now what it will become.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. 

When I really think about it, I don’t want my son to tell the friend he’s bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, ‘My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.’ That would mean I’d built a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, he’d say, ‘You’re gonna love it there…’ 

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we’re doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible mothers.

—Anonymous

Making changes- It's the Final Countdown!

Da da da da, da da da da da da ....If you know the song  or if you are an Arrested Development fan (it's GOB's entry music). Hard to sing or illustrate music on a blog.

Wedding is T minus 5 weeks away. I am averaging 1.4 lbs lost per week. This only leaves me 5 weeks. That would = 7 lbs. Making my new total lost 82.2 lbs. I've decided to step it up.

I'm not sure if I mentioned but while in Vegas, I bought my dress for the wedding. I bought it a size smaller than I am now. It's a size 10! It was my initial goal to buy a dress from Cache that was a size 10 (I changed it to 8 at one point, but my original goal was a 10). SO, needless to say I have the size 10 hanging in my closet as I type.

So here's how I am going to accomplish this:

1. Scheduling my activity. I've put calendar invites onto my phone for Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. I never ignore meetings or anything on my calendar, so it makes me motivated to complete them.

2. Set my alarm and MAKE SURE I get up. My alarm goes off at 5:10 am on Tue and Thu. If I don't get up right away, I will snuggle back into my warm bed and sleep for another hour. By making sure I am in bed by 10 pm .This gets me a solid 7 hours of sleep and I have been getting up without too much inner battle. Besides, my mind usually starts racing and I feel guilty if I try to go back to sleep. I also hung my dress where I see it lying in bed and it reminds me "GET OUT OF BED! You have to wear me in a few weeks."

3. Vary My activity. Keep 100% on my Active Link. My goal is 5 points per day. Weekly is 35. I am usually close. My workouts include:

Zumba: My goal is to do 2 - 45 minute sessions a week and then 1- 20 minute session. Sometimes Myles wakes up early and I have to cut my workout short. Sometimes, I just don't feel like doing it, to be honest! I wrap it up and 20 minutes and call that at least I did something day!

Eliptical: I jump on the elliptical when I am having a hard time being motivated. It's also an awesome time to watch shows on my DVR which my husband refuses to watch. Such as Master Chef or Drop Dead Diva. Usually I am into the show and they are about 50 minutes without commercials, so I don't stop until they're over.

Free Weights: Ok, so I am a wimp. I've only been using 5 or 8 lb weights. Again, something is better than nothing. I do side bends, tricep curls, bicep curls, and over the head stuff. My arms aren't getting buff per se, but a little more toned. People keep telling me to do Push Ups. I am not good at those....

4. Sticking to my points. As I've continued to lose weight, what was once easy to eat 35 points a day, has now come to 27 points per day. It doesn't seem like much at 8 points per day, but that is equivalent to almost another meal. Counting every point is crucial. If I "forget" to add something to my daily tracker, I am only hurting myself. I have to remind myself of that....

Making these little changes are all helping me towards getting into this dress. I am working on more Goals- as my dad tells me, "A Goal is just a dream with a timeline." And since he started all of this with his wisdom when I was younger I'll keep listening to him. Thanks, Daddy!

What weighs 75 lbs? Now that I'm 75 lbs less

I completely stole this from another blog, but I think it is fitting as I am now 75 lbs. lighter.... That's right! Milestone #4 celebrated at Weight Watchers. They are as follows

#1:  10% lost
#2: 25 lbs lost
#3: 50 lbs lost
#4: 75 lbs lost

1) Average Alaskan Malamute Husky Dog
2) Average Weight of 11 year old boy
3) 100 cans of Beer
4) 12 1/2 red bricks
5) 300 Sticks of Butter (which I've probably avoided eating in the last year!)

Now onto my next milestone #5: 100 lbs!

I. Am. So. Sore....

Up at the top!

Hiking? Sure, let's go hiking. 4 words I never would have thought would be coming out of my mouth on a beautiful Saturday morning. After 35 minutes of packing sunscreen, extra changes of clothing, 2 pb & j sandwiches, carrots, grapes, waters, and juice we were on our way. We stopped at Subway and got parent sandwiches, His- Seafood club or something (lots of mayo)& Mine- Turkey Bacon Avocado- 10 points. We settled into a picnic area at Lapham Peak. We ate our lunch quickly, but peacefully and without incident. Then we started to climb....Here we are at the top and again at the bottom.

The stairs weren't too bad- it was the fact I had a 3.5 year old climbing up these monstrous stairs and all I could see was him slipping and falling. Mommy had some pretty severe anxiety.... After we finished the stairs, we went to a nice, easy trail that had a lot of shade. It was only about 2 miles, but it felt longer. We had our little buggy and we finally got an exhausted Myles (my 3.5 yr old) to ride with his brother instead of walking. 

A long way up with little guys.

After the hike, we were pretty tired, so we went home and played outside until it was dark. I grilled up some steaks and baked potatoes. There was a special on Beef Tenderloin so I bought one. The best thing about a good Beef Tenderloin is it's simple to control the amount of filet you eat. I cut off the first piece and weighed it on my scale- 6.5 oz (Daddy's steak), next piece 5.0 oz (my piece- ends up around 3 oz cooked- 7 pts.) and a 4 oz for Myles. I used my handy dandy Weight Watcher Oil Sprayer which is perfect for the grill! Overall, a delicious meal accompanied by a side salad loaded with veggies. It felt like we were having a fancy restaurant meal at home- for WAY cheaper and WAY less points! Love this grilling weather!

So, you'd think a hike on Saturday would be enough for me, no, it wasn't. Upon waking on Sunday I wasn't feeling sore yet. I decided after I put the little guy down, I'd do some gardening. I pulled weeds for about 2 hours. Bending down, standing up, bending down, standing up. Oh Boy, I am feeling  it today!

Yikes! I can hardly move. You know that feeling where you feel like you are 100 years old. Can't even sit on the toilet without saying "OUCH"? That's me today....

One Year Ago....

Joel was 3 weeks old here- I was more than 250 lbs.

One Year Ago, my son was 6 weeks old.
Today, he is 13 months and walking all over the place.

One Year Ago, my weight tipped the scales at 250.6 lbs.
Today, I weigh 175.4 pounds. (I got this news at my weigh in! Get my award next week)

One Year Ago, I ate fast food 3-4 times a week.
Today, I have not had any fast food since 7/13/12.

One Year Ago, an average meal was Chicken Fried Steak, Mashed Potatoes, Corn (with butter and cream) and a roll. (prob 22 points or so)
Today, 3 turkey tacos (ground turkey breast) on corn tortillas, sliced avocado, lettuce piled on and 1/4 cup beans (11 points)

One Year Ago, working out was walking up the stairs from the basement.
Today, I did 45 minutes of Zumba and free weights for 10 minutes.

One Year Ago, I hated to look in the mirror and felt disgusted with myself.
Today, I admit, I check myself out and am happy with my progress.

One year ago, my husband was head over heels in love with me, but I didn't love myself.
Today, my husband is STILL head over heels in love with me, but I am learning to love myself.

New "do" for a new me! 175 lbs

Oh, what changes a year can bring. It's eye opening and a revelation to think how far I've come. I'm not yet to my goal, I have about 20-25 lbs left to go. However, when I think back to when I started I was afraid I wouldn't lose 20 lbs, let alone 50, and wow, now 75! Why not make it a cool 100??? Let's do this!

Stay at home/work from home mommy today

Let me preface those of you who stay home every day- you're my freakin hero! My daycare is on vacation this week, so I am left finding creative ways to make sure my kids are being watched.

Yesterday, my awesome sister in law and my brother in law came and spent their day with the kiddos. She cleaned up all the dishes, put away the toys, and even made sure my 3 1/2 year old took a good nap. Overall it was super successful.

However, today I stayed home and attempted to "work from home". Thank goodness, I have an understanding boss who was ok with my 7 am emails and 6 pm phone calls. It made for a challenging day to say the least.

Not only is it challenging watching a 1 year old, 3 1/2 year old and also watching my smartphone for e-mails, I had a difficult time eating today. Breakfast for me is normally a smoothie (2 points and has dairy and protein). Lunch is a salad or light sandwich and I snack on veggies and fruit throughout the day. Breakfast kicked off by making Egg sandwiches. English muffin (3 pts.), Bacon (3 pts.), Egg (2 pts. and a slice of cheese (1 pt.)- So in essence my normally 2 point breakfast had quickly escalated to 9 points! Ugh- that only leaves me 19 points for the day.

Lunch- Egg salad (6 pts.) and reduced fat potato chips (3 pts.) Snack- my son had one of those darn Nutella things- he politely gave me 2 this time. BUT he didn't finish all the hazelnut spread, so of course I had to do that....(3 pts.) There goes another 12 points. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I tried to bring in some strawberries, a bite of banana, and grapes to the equation. So now, dinner....oh dinner. Did I mention between these meals, I was handling a improperly designed website, a cold call blitz and 7 accounts that need to be contacted immediately because one of my reps went to a competitor?

I am not trying to complain, OK so I am, but ARGHH! What a day. So dinner, chipotle black bean burgers (skipping the bun to save points) and  Mexican Rice. Should be a 10 point dinner- over by 3. However, I DO need something sweet- ice cream (2 pts.) or candies (1 pt.) Let's go with candy. End of day total- 33 points- over by 5. At least I mentioned to get 25 minutes of Zumba in while the kids napped- Did I not mention that? Yeah, I'm awesome. LOL!

Oh and a quick update- my son decided to throw up all of his dinner. That was pretty great, too!

Again, if you're a SAHM- God Bless You! I love my kids and I love my job, I DO NOT love them on the same day and the same time. Thanks for letting me vent!