I just don't want to.

Not every day is perfect. I don't always feel like eating the right way, and working out, and going to my meetings. This was my thought recently.

(Inner dialogue Saturday morning....)

I don't want to go to Weight Watchers this morning. I really don't. It's honestly the last thing I feel like doing.

My husband is out of town in Minnesota and was supposed to get home yesterday but he still isn't home and now I am sitting here with my two small children thinking I really don't want to go to Weight Watchers. 

I put my car into a snowbank yesterday and had to wait 2 hours for a tow truck. I am tired and just wanna relax! Ugh.

Turn it around, turn it around. My negative attitude won't win this morning, there are some major reasons I need to go to Weight Watchers today. The first being, I haven't gone the last two weeks. Oops.

Second, I have not been eating as well I had planned and I haven't been able to make it up yet. (you know when you delay going to a meeting because you figure "hey I'll do really really good next week and then it'll make up for this week"). 

Well that didn't happen,  I had to go out to eat 3 times this week. In some cases I made good choices but I also ate more than I should and not ALWAYS the BEST choices....

Finally, last time I went I actually gained 2 pounds and that completely deflated my spirit as the week before I finally hit my goal of 100 pounds! Urph. Get your ass to the meeting, Michelle!!

Well, I loaded up my guys into the car and I went to WW on Saturday. I was down .8 lbs. My goal weight is set at 150 lbs. I was at 150.4 just 3 weeks ago, but now I am 151.4 which means, only 1.4 more lbs to go to hit my goal weight....I am 151.4 lbs and 5'6". Why am I stuck on the idea I should be 130-140 lbs?

My new thought process is all about non scale victories though. I managed to finish ALL my T25 workouts - 8 weeks completed- 2 weeks to go. I bought my FIRST ever SIZE 4, yes, SIZE 4 skinny jeans at Gap. Overall, I am feeling good about me. Still a work in progress, eating one bite at a time. 

My new 1/2 way through T25 photo!

5 weeks into T25

Slow moving fast forward

Christmas Tree Shopping!

Do you ever feel like you're living your life in slow fast forward? Not the one that goes really fast but the one that just barely moves forward but it's still a fast forward? 

That's how I feel my life has been lately. Between a birthday party and illness that about ruined me (promising to blog about both soon) with getting ready for my amazing family to come to town. I have not been doing so hot when it comes to my eating. 

A confession, I've been eating whatever I wanted to eat the last 2 weeks. Many lunches out and not REALLY ordering smart. I haven't been pointing. I haven't been tracking. Overall, it's just not pretty. So what do I do about it? On a good note, I've been continuing my workouts and I'm really loving my new T25 Workout but overall I know I've gained. The worst thing about it is I don't want to go to the meetings and weigh in. It's really scary for me right now. 

I'm around 10 pounds from my goal weight. I'm 153 pounds and I've "released" 97.5 lbs. I am a comfortable size 8 almost down to a size 6. I think the extra 10 pounds will put me down at the size 6 but I guess I'm not that concerned with the number. I just want to make sure I have learned better habits and I am set to maintain my healthy lifestyle for the long haul.

I think the most important thing for me to do right now is to look back and make sure I have genuinely changed. Changed my eating habits, changed my workout habits, and overall changed my life? I think I have accomplished this and I'm pretty sure these are changes that will stick. 

There's a part of me that's afraid though....I'm all of a sudden going to gain back the pounds I lost over night. Sometimes I even dream about it. I dream I look in the mirror again and my face is rounder, my boobs are bigger, and my ass is huge! I know this is impossible, but I'm scared anyways. 

I don't think I could go back to being the way I was before because I was so unhappy. The other thing that's really crucial right now is to not let my head get so big that I feel like I have this under control. As I realize over the last two weeks I am NOT 100 percent in control. Again, I haven't been utilizing my tracker as I'm supposed to and I haven't weighed in for almost two weeks. 

I know these are bad things. I know this is where it would be so easy to fall off the wagon. But I can't let that happen. All of the compliments that people have been giving me and extending to me are fantastic and they are deserved but I don't want them to go to my head. I'm not done yet. I'm not happy with the way that I look....yet.

How do I remind myself? 

Here are some of the ways I know that my lifestyle change has impacted everything about me. #1. I work out a minimum of 4 times per week. Usually it's five and sometimes its 6 but I never work out less than 4 times per week. 

#2. I never splurge on multiple items at dinner. For example, I used to get the big, fat loaded chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon all that good stuff AND an order of french fries. Now I'll either get a grilled chicken very simple with the French fries or I get the big, fatty chicken sandwich but steamed broccoli instead. 

#3. I drink lots and lots and lots and lots of water. If I don't do this I get horrible headache. I can tell how easily I get dehydrated because of my workout and because of running around. 

#4. I eat fruits and veggies at almost every meal. Let's be honest I'd like to say I do it every meal but I don't. (Maybe something to work for in 2014). I cut up carrots, celery, broccoli every week. Try to make sure to eat asparagus, Brussel sprouts, very leafy greens, my favorite is romaine, and I make sure I eat strawberries, grapes, apples, oranges, anything else I can that's healthy.

#5.  I have eliminated all clothing above a size 10. I do not ever want to go back to a size 10 or 12 or 14, god forbid a size 20 where I was when I began this journey. I used to keep multiple bins of clothing. They would span 3-4 sizes depending on my size. Making sure these bigger sizes aren't around won't allow me to gain 10 pounds and just go into the bigger size.

Little life changes are not always easy. As I sit here writing, I made treats for work this weekend and I am narrowly avoiding shoveling them all into my mouth....but I can resist. If

I can be aware of this now, I can fix my slide before it's too late. I can do this! You can too, just remember it's a life change, don't be too hard on yourself, but don't get out of control.

Myles First Christmas Concert- Big guy!

Zombie Party! Down 2 more lbs

After 3 weeks of not weighing in let me tell you I was NOT looking forward to the scale. Overall my vacation eating went well, but I didn't track religiously. After returning from vacation it was Labor Day and I got the flu! Not just a little dose, but 100% I could not get out of my bed, achy all over, chills (even in flannel pj pants and a long sleeve shirt) and an awful stomach ache. It was sheer hell! It has taken me 5 days to get over the horrendous sickness. Maybe that helped, but I finally weighed in yesterday and I was down 2 lbs. Yay! Down 86.4 lbs and only 14 lbs away from my goal weight. 

After all the yuckiness, I was finally feeling good enough to work out so I did 55 minutes of "Just Dance" Wii. It's just such a fun workout. I know I have mentioned it before, but there's something to be said about dancing in the comfort of my own living room. Even if I cannot master the moves, and I look like a complete dork, I am dripping with sweat by the time I am done. After a long workout like that I can definitely splurge a little this weekend.

We had a birthday party to go to for a good friend's little dude. He's turning 5 and is totally into Zombies! It's hilarious. They had a bouncy house, chicken wings, deli sandwiches, chips, veggies, fruits, cupcakes and chocolate dipped licorice. Yes! Chocolate dipped licorice. It was super delicious! My friend is an amazing hostess, so even though I was fully prepared to splurge, she offered all the healthy options too. A deli sandwich, veggies (no dip), fresh fruit, and a couple chips was exactly what I needed. A small slice of cake and scoop of ice cream topped off my meal. Overall, very satisfying and not necessary to dip into my extra weekly points. I'll save those for my mexican craving that have been creeping up. Some coming up next a blog entry for my Mexican Makeover of tostadas.